no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
