frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
