If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
