problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I faked an abortion last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
