My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
