It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
