Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
