just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
