I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
