Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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