Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
