I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
