I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this boner is exhausting
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
