Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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