I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
