There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Pooping to opera.
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