Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
