he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
