yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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