I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
