Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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