She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
