All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
