WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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