i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
