Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
