His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
