I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
