did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
