my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
