I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My penis needs a shock collar
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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