I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
