at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
