they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize