so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
