The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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