woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
