It's Friday. Sex?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
