Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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