Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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