I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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