Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
