So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my being single is dangerous.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
