thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
