There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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