Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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