Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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