party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
