I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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