I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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