just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
