You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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