Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
