lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
