I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
