Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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