He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So much Jack, so little girl.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
