how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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