"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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