When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we're so committed to being not committed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
