I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize